Husbands and wives tend to engage in little things that damage their marriage in one way or another. They never realize they are doing something that is problematic. However, when the little mistakes pile up, they may add up to one big mess. The good thing is that correcting the behavior may save your marriage from resentment, separation or divorce. On various occasions, couples tend to break up even without the existence of a major betrayal, such as lying or cheating. Sometimes, it is just a matter lot of little things getting in the way.
Here are some situations that show you are ruining your marriage.
1. Sarcasm and Ridicule
Humor has the ability of saving a marriage, but both of you must find the situation funny. When you make fun of what the other person feels is not kind and fails to show an aspect of consideration. A spouse that starts or ends a conversation in a sarcastic tone tends to show a lack of maturity. It is advisable for partners to express their feelings in a genuine way by explaining how they really feel.
2. Lack of appreciation
Not telling your spouse that you appreciate him/her or pointing out some of the things you like about them might cause development of a gradual distance between you. Simply saying “I do appreciate everything that you do for me” is quite easy, so try to be more specific. If feel that your spouse does not appreciate you, talk to him/her about it.
3. Sudden mood changes
There is need of learning how to deal with problems in a constructive and civilized manner. Saying things that should never have been said, exploding at little things, acting in an intolerable way or abusing psychologically and emotionally will never help the relationship to flourish, and neither will it fix the problem being encountered. You should always exercise self-control, and if you can’t manage that, there is need to seek specialized help.
4. You cannot handle in-laws
There is evidence from various researches which show that how spouses relate to their in-laws becomes a strong predictor of their marriage longevity. A man that manages to get along with his wife’s parents can be regarded as being wise since his chances of a formidable marriage increase by at least 20 percent. To the contrary, women getting along with their in-laws tend to have a 20 percent increased probability of divorce.
You are probably leading your spouse to divorce if you are a wife that cannot say no to the mom-in-law’s constant demands or if you are the husband that doesn’t invest in liking or knowing the in-laws.
In a happy marriage, secrets and lies that end up ruining trust and craft a distance between you should not exist. The aspect of being faithful does not only include cheating, flirting with other people or having a plan B in case the relationship fails. It means correcting character flaws and seeking unity with your spouse for the sake of the marriage and family.
6. Constant selfishness
The moment you overspend on yourself with every opportunity you get without thinking about the family budget, and keep lamenting about your spouse’s spending habits, you ought to review your priorities. It’s to be fair, and you should not work towards getting into debt. You should not spend excessive time at work when you know that your spouse wants your help at home or there is need for more dedication in your marriage.
7. Waiting for the other partner to take the first step
Poor communication creates fear to ask for anything, leaves important things unsaid or discourages attempts of doing something that your spouse does not need or want. It is difficult having to guess whether your spouse is sad, worried, tired, what they are thinking or what they want at all times. You should take the first step to try saving your marriage. The relationship will not remain healthy or save itself without a positive input of each partner.
8. Defensive behavior
If you are that person that thinks they know what their spouse is feeling or thinking during an argument, or if you constantly offend your spouse and always act defensively, you should stop right away. Develop a peaceful discussion and have respect for each other. Ask questions, and have the willingness to accept opinions that are not yours. Learning how to listen is critical. You do not have to agree on everything, but you ought to learn how to understand your spouse’s opinion. You should not justify your mistakes nor put blame on others for your choices.
9. Generalized comparisons
If you think all women are of one mold or all men are the same you could be destroying your marriage. Regardless of whether you experienced the stereotypes in your previous relationship, you are subconsciously expecting the current relationship to end the same way when making such assumptions. This form of thinking does not foster the type of intimacy that helps a relationship to progress. Accept what happened in the past and move on. In case you need specialized help, do not hesitate to ask for it.
10. You know you are right
Negotiating usually means that your partner will have to think it over until they can agree with you. It is very frustrating when you try to reason with someone that already knows how the problem ought to be resolved. It is not that you are unreasonable; you make a lot of sense, something that makes everything more difficult
11. Being easily annoyed
If you don’t take a shower , brush your teeth, always late everywhere you go , leave the bathroom untidy, always complain about stomach ache, a headache, how tired you are, or always initiates a fight every time your spouse something wrong, it is high time you embraced a major attitude adjustment. Grow up and avoid unnecessary fights.
12. Nagging and back stabbing
Stop talking about your spouse to family and friends behind their back. Complaining that he/she does not give you enough attention will not motivate him/her into doing so. It might even make things worse. Try to understand that maybe his/her way of showing love to you is different from how someone else has done it before. Respect him/her for their individuality and take responsibility of your own mistakes.