How do you tell that your relationship has reached an expiration date?
You tend to feel that something is seriously off. Regardless of being sad, you cannot pinpoint the exact reason. You feel neglected, but still make excuses on why he/she has been distant lately. You feel an impending doom creeping on the horizon, but tend to think that if you hang in there, things may turn around. However, deep down you are aware that something has gone terribly wrong.
Then one day, something happens……..
You come across a pair of hoop earrings that do not belong to you, or while coming home you find packing boxes stacked in the hallway, or you just waking up in the morning, gazing at the vacant space in your bed since he/she is off to yet another business trip. The only thing in your mind at that time will be “how the hell did I get here?”
Do not wait for your heart to get battered. You should not turn a blind eye to the warning signs she/he is giving you. Actually, it is time you dumped those dingy rose colored glasses and get a fabulous new pair for yourself.
Here are some signs that give you an indication it’s time to end your relationship ….
1. Physical abuse
Whether it is a one-night thing, or it is a continual torrent of chronic physical abuse that emanates from emotional arguments; it means that trust is broken and it is most likely going to be over. Someone you used to look up to for protection has now become someone that will harm you when things are not going well.
You might try to forgive and forget with the first incident, but do not blame them if they repeat the action. They might never hit you again, but truth is that you will never forget what they did and this is likely to leave a deep unforgiving blemish. Unless you can really forgive what happened, there are high chances that your relationship is over. For sure it should be over if this behavior is a habitual thing. If violence is present in a relationship, it’s time to go.
2. Your contact is becoming extinct
There is a time your phone used to ring quite often, but now all you can hear is crickets. Try to watch out when he/she starts pulling away by spending time doing things alone or with friends rather than involving you.
Many are the times when we make excuses for our not-so-attentive partners: he/she is so busy, he/she is working too hard, or his/her cockatoo is sick. When he/she finally sends you a text message saying, “hey” you just hit the reboot button and everything seems OK again. The memory of being away is wiped instantly. Believe me, you deserve better.
3. You do not trust each other anymore
Trust is very delicate and an important part of any relationship. When it’s lost, it is almost time to end the relationship. Without trust you will always question your partner’s abilities, reasons and abilities all the time.
If the distrust is mutual, it probably lead to total crumbling of the relationship and more so the foundations it was built on. This results to anger, possessiveness, jealousy and other negative feelings that poison the already tenuous relationship. It is difficult to come out of this, hence sounds as an appropriate time to end the relationship.
4. You talk about how the relationship is going to improve in some hypothetical future
This is to say that, you are convinced that the relationship will improve “when”: I am sure he/she will appreciate me more when his/her friends get married; She/he will be more supportive of my conditionwhen we’ve finished school; We will definitely enjoy each other’s company to a greater extent when we move in together.
Many people have the notion that their partners will change. They expect them to become more committed, affectionate or understanding when they make some achievements or reduce some external stressors. It is true that this happens, but it is not a guarantee. You should base the desire of remaining in a relationship on present experience rather than future expectations.
5. You no longer make plans with your partner in mind
If you have slowly been pushing your partner out of your life psychologically, it is high time you actually removed them. When making future plans, your partner should be considered at all times regardless of whether he/she is directly involved or not.
The moment you stop making plans with your significant other in mind is a major sign it is time to end the relationship. This is because it means that he/she is not a big part of what you deem important.
Unless you have made an agreement of being in an open relationship, cheating is not acceptable. You can forgive someone for cheating and life moves on, if the situation was extremely complex and each party contributed to the situation. Forgiveness only works when both parties are willing to formulate the necessary changes and put what happened behind them. It is not easy but it’s possible. However, if this act is habitual; they want to have their cake and eat it at the same time, it’s time to walk away regardless of your feelings.
7. You have become a drama king and queen
Your relationship is now a war game. You are lobbing rude remarks, insults or constantly in competition. The little things that used to bother him/her are now colossal aggravations. Everything you do annoys him/her. He/she belittles and nitpicks about your job, your grooming, or that you are adding too much weight. He/she is concentrating on your faults rather than your fabulousness.
He/she might be assessing how much you can take before you walk. Just walk away right now. You should not be the victim.
8. It is only physical
Is physical attraction and sex the only thing you have going in your relationship? I hope you know that this will eventually come to an end. Even if there doesn’t seem to be any problems and the sex is good, you need to stop and reflect on where your partner stands. In case he/she has more feelings and wants more, the appropriate thing to do is leave since you will hurt him/her in the long-run.
9. You only feel secure when you are physically together
Insecurity looming between calling, texting and being together might be an indicator of insecure attachment. This issue is best explored further with the help of a therapist.